Growing Old Together

“Two are better than one…if either of them falls down, one can help the other”

I was inspired to write this article from a WhatsApp group I belong to. It was thrown to the group members to share their thoughts on

“How couples can achieve old age together with their grandchildren surrounding them?”

It brought memories of growing up days in Church at wedding ceremonies of one popular song we sang from the choir;

Your marriage shall be a blessing, your children surround your table, you shall see your children’s children, thus saith the Lord of host.

It takes wisdom to achieve the fulfilment of the song. As through wisdom is a house built.

Building a futuristic house such as this requires deliberate work that starts with a plan (vision board), execution of a fortified foundation, putting stone upon stone and precept upon precept by the couple.

The plan is drawn pre-marriage celebration for early risers, it is never too late for those who missed out earlier it can also be achieved post-marriage celebration.

A basic requirement for whether post-marriage or pre-marriage celebration is that both parties must agree to work together in love.  Not the love the world offers but the love as expressed by Jesus to the Church “while we were yet sinners he died for us” meaning in this conscious work to build the desired house we must express not deserving but chose to keep loving. This is what most time we refer to as unconditional love.

This brings another song to mind …Give me your unconditional love, the kind of love I deserve, the kind I want to return…By Donna Summer.  I believe those in the 70’s and 80’s will relate

This wisdom is especially true for couples who desire to grow old together, surrounded by their loved ones.

The following principles are needed to fortify the foundation and help one achieve this beautiful vision:

1. Establish a solid marriage based on mutual love, respect, and trust. Nurture your relationship through regular communication, dates, and shared activities. Matthew 7:10 NLT “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” Romans 12:10 NLT “Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honouring each other.” Ephesians 6:2 “Honour your father and mother…”
2. Prioritize family Psalm 127:3-5 “Children are a gift of the Lord.” So we must cherish these gifts by
   Investing time and effort in raising our children to love and respect their grandparents. Teach them biblical values and the importance of family bonding.
3. Cultivate a spirit of gratitude 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks…” Appreciate your spouse and children when they complete a task no matter how small.  Focus on the blessings in your life. As gratitude fosters a positive atmosphere, strengthening your bond and creating a warm environment for your spouse, children and grandchildren.
4. Embrace aging with grace Proverbs 16:31 NLT “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life.”  View ageing as a natural part of life, trusting God’s sovereignty all the way. Find joy in the journey, and use your wisdom and experience to mentor your loved ones.
5. Create meaningful traditions:
   Develop special customs that bring your family together, such as annual gatherings, holiday celebrations, family games or regular family dinners.
6. Seek wisdom and support Proverbs 11:14 “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers”
   Surround yourselves with godly friends, family, and mentors who can offer guidance and encouragement throughout your journey.
7. Trust God’s plan Jeremiah 29:11 Have faith that God has a beautiful plan for your life, even in old age. Trust Him to bring your family together and bless your relationships.
8. Forgive one another and learn to give excuses for the other one’s lapses, thus tolerating his or her excesses.

It is a known fact that every marriage is unique. Thus it is not one size fits all. However, some common mistakes should be avoided

1. Neglecting communication Proverbs 18:13 “One who gives an answer before he hears, it is foolishness and shame“
Don’t assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling. Regular, open communication is crucial. Avoid nagging Proverbs 21:9 and 19 CSB “Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife“ and

“Better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.”

2. Holding grudges (Ephesians 4:26-27)
Unforgiveness can create a toxic environment, eroding your relationship. Practice forgiveness and work through conflicts by respectful communication.

3. Lack of intimacy 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Prioritize emotional and physical intimacy, ensuring a deep connection. Your bodies belong to your spouse. Talk about misunderstandings arising from your sexual intimacy, where needed seek medical help with the support of your spouse.

4. Financial disagreements (Matthew 6:24)
Manage finances together, avoiding debt and fostering a spirit of generosity.

5. Disrespect and criticism (Ephesians 4:29)
Speak kindly, avoiding hurtful words that can damage your relationship.

6. Lack of independence (2 Corinthians 3:17)
Maintain individual interests and friendships, ensuring a healthy balance.

7. Unrealistic expectations (Proverbs 24:7)
Don’t expect your partner to meet all your needs. Only God can fulfil our deepest longings.

8. Not prioritizing quality time (Mark 6:31)
Regularly schedule quality time together, nurturing your connection.

9. Ignoring conflict resolution (Matthew 5:23-24)
Address conflicts promptly, seeking resolution and growth.

10. Not cultivating gratitude (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Focus on the blessings in your life, fostering a positive atmosphere.

11. Lack of spiritual connection (Matthew 19:6)
Prioritize shared spiritual growth, deepening your bond.

12. Not embracing change (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
Be adaptable, embracing life’s seasons and changes together.

Avoiding these common mistakes couples can build a strong foundation for a lifelong, loving relationship.