Author: tinaharis

Amara’s world was crumbling around her. Every word she spoke, every gesture she made, was twisted and misconstrued by those closest to her. Her friends would raise an eyebrow, her husband would furrow his brow, and she would be left wondering what she had done wrong.

It started innocently enough. A joke among friends would be taken as sarcasm, a concerned question to her husband would be seen as nagging. But as the weeks went by, the misunderstandings piled up, and Amara felt like she was walking on eggshells.

One evening, she mentioned to her husband, Kofi, that she was tired of cooking dinner every night. She suggested they alternate responsibilities. Kofi’s response? “You’re always complaining about something.” Amara was taken aback. Wasn’t she just trying to find a solution?

With her friends, it was worse. A casual remark about a movie would be interpreted as a personal attack. “You’re so judgmental,” they’d say. Amara would explain herself, but her words would fall on deaf ears.

As the days turned into weeks, Amara felt like she was losing herself. She began to doubt every word, every action. Was she really being controlling or critical, or was everyone else just misunderstanding her?

The pain was suffocating. Amara felt trapped, unable to express herself without fear of misinterpretation. She started to withdraw, hesitant to speak up or share her thoughts. But the silence was equally suffocating.

One night, as tears streamed down her face, Amara wondered if she was going crazy. Was she really the problem, or was everyone else just not listening?

Have you ever felt trapped in a situation like Amara’s?

How did you handle it?

Have you experienced similar misunderstandings in your relationships?

How do you communicate effectively to avoid misinterpretation?

What strategies would you suggest for Amara to regain her confidence and express herself freely?

Share your thoughts and advice in the comments section.

Once upon a time, in the city of Effurun, there a remarkable young woman named Oghenekevwe Efemena lives. She is a legal practitioner with over 15 years of legal experience, she has weathered countless storms in the courtroom and life generally, emerging victorious each time. Her reputation as a principal counsel is unmatched, and her colleagues often marvelled at her unwavering commitment to justice.

Oghenekevwe is not just a lawyer; she is a wife, mother, teens coach, blogger and a beacon of strength. Her husband, Efemena, an account admires her tenacity and grace. Together, they raise two blessed children. The family’s home is a haven—a place where laughter echoes through the halls, and love envelops every corner.

As the principal counsel at Tinaris Legal Clinic, she navigates complex cases with finesse. She believes in the power of empathy, understanding that behind every legal battle lay human lives. Her clients are not just case files; they are people seeking resolution, closure, and hope. Her dedication to their satisfaction is unwavering.

But life is not all victories and accolades. Challenges comes knocking at her door in different shades—the kind that tested her resolve. One such case involved a single mother fighting for custody of her child. The odds seemed insurmountable, but she doves in, researching tirelessly, crafting compelling arguments, and advocating fiercely. She refuses to let despair drown her; instead, she swims against the current, fueled by her unwavering faith.

Late nights found Oghenekevwe poring over legal texts, her desk lamp casting a warm glow on the worn pages. She prays for wisdom, drawing strength from the Proverbs 31 frame that hung on her office wall. The virtuous woman described there—strong, resourceful, and compassionate—the epitome of her role model. Oghenekevwe aspires to embody those virtues, both in her professional and personal life.

Her faith is the cornerstone of her existence. Every morning, before the sun kissed the city awake, she kneels by her bed, seeking divine guidance. Oghenekevwe knew that her legal prowess was a gift—one she used to serve others. She mentors young lawyers, encouraging them to fight for justice with integrity, aim for the best. Her office door is always open, and her wisdom is freely shared.

As the years passed, her hair is gradually turning silver, but her spirit remains unyielding. She at some point faces setbacks, lost cases, and sheds tears—but never loses hope. Her discipline is legendary; she balances work, family, and faith with grace. When clients left her office with gratitude in their eyes, she knew she was fulfilling her purpose.

And so, Oghenekevwe Efemena continues her journey in life—a woman of substance, a lawyer with a heart, a mother who cherished bedtime stories and scraped knees. Her legacy extends beyond courtrooms; she aspires to touch lives, leaving an indelible mark on human hearts.

In the quiet moments, when the city slept, she whispered her gratitude to God in heaven. She knew that her calling was more than a profession; it is a divine assignment. And as she closed another case file, she smiles—a beacon of hope, a Proverbs 31 woman, and a testament to unwavering faith.

And so, the story of Oghenekevwe Efemena unfolds—a tale of courage, love, and the pursuit of justice. Effurun and the world at large will forever remember the lawyer who refuses to drown in challenges, standing tall with her head held high, a living embodiment of Proverbs 31 with the help of the Holy Spirit.

“Two are better than one…if either of them falls down, one can help the other”

I was inspired to write this article from a WhatsApp group I belong to. It was thrown to the group members to share their thoughts on

“How couples can achieve old age together with their grandchildren surrounding them?”

It brought memories of growing up days in Church at wedding ceremonies of one popular song we sang from the choir;

Your marriage shall be a blessing, your children surround your table, you shall see your children’s children, thus saith the Lord of host.

It takes wisdom to achieve the fulfilment of the song. As through wisdom is a house built.

Building a futuristic house such as this requires deliberate work that starts with a plan (vision board), execution of a fortified foundation, putting stone upon stone and precept upon precept by the couple.

The plan is drawn pre-marriage celebration for early risers, it is never too late for those who missed out earlier it can also be achieved post-marriage celebration.

A basic requirement for whether post-marriage or pre-marriage celebration is that both parties must agree to work together in love.  Not the love the world offers but the love as expressed by Jesus to the Church “while we were yet sinners he died for us” meaning in this conscious work to build the desired house we must express not deserving but chose to keep loving. This is what most time we refer to as unconditional love.

This brings another song to mind …Give me your unconditional love, the kind of love I deserve, the kind I want to return…By Donna Summer.  I believe those in the 70’s and 80’s will relate

This wisdom is especially true for couples who desire to grow old together, surrounded by their loved ones.

The following principles are needed to fortify the foundation and help one achieve this beautiful vision:

1. Establish a solid marriage based on mutual love, respect, and trust. Nurture your relationship through regular communication, dates, and shared activities. Matthew 7:10 NLT “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” Romans 12:10 NLT “Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honouring each other.” Ephesians 6:2 “Honour your father and mother…”
2. Prioritize family Psalm 127:3-5 “Children are a gift of the Lord.” So we must cherish these gifts by
   Investing time and effort in raising our children to love and respect their grandparents. Teach them biblical values and the importance of family bonding.
3. Cultivate a spirit of gratitude 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks…” Appreciate your spouse and children when they complete a task no matter how small.  Focus on the blessings in your life. As gratitude fosters a positive atmosphere, strengthening your bond and creating a warm environment for your spouse, children and grandchildren.
4. Embrace aging with grace Proverbs 16:31 NLT “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life.”  View ageing as a natural part of life, trusting God’s sovereignty all the way. Find joy in the journey, and use your wisdom and experience to mentor your loved ones.
5. Create meaningful traditions:
   Develop special customs that bring your family together, such as annual gatherings, holiday celebrations, family games or regular family dinners.
6. Seek wisdom and support Proverbs 11:14 “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers”
   Surround yourselves with godly friends, family, and mentors who can offer guidance and encouragement throughout your journey.
7. Trust God’s plan Jeremiah 29:11 Have faith that God has a beautiful plan for your life, even in old age. Trust Him to bring your family together and bless your relationships.
8. Forgive one another and learn to give excuses for the other one’s lapses, thus tolerating his or her excesses.

It is a known fact that every marriage is unique. Thus it is not one size fits all. However, some common mistakes should be avoided

1. Neglecting communication Proverbs 18:13 “One who gives an answer before he hears, it is foolishness and shame“
Don’t assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling. Regular, open communication is crucial. Avoid nagging Proverbs 21:9 and 19 CSB “Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife“ and

“Better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.”

2. Holding grudges (Ephesians 4:26-27)
Unforgiveness can create a toxic environment, eroding your relationship. Practice forgiveness and work through conflicts by respectful communication.

3. Lack of intimacy 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Prioritize emotional and physical intimacy, ensuring a deep connection. Your bodies belong to your spouse. Talk about misunderstandings arising from your sexual intimacy, where needed seek medical help with the support of your spouse.

4. Financial disagreements (Matthew 6:24)
Manage finances together, avoiding debt and fostering a spirit of generosity.

5. Disrespect and criticism (Ephesians 4:29)
Speak kindly, avoiding hurtful words that can damage your relationship.

6. Lack of independence (2 Corinthians 3:17)
Maintain individual interests and friendships, ensuring a healthy balance.

7. Unrealistic expectations (Proverbs 24:7)
Don’t expect your partner to meet all your needs. Only God can fulfil our deepest longings.

8. Not prioritizing quality time (Mark 6:31)
Regularly schedule quality time together, nurturing your connection.

9. Ignoring conflict resolution (Matthew 5:23-24)
Address conflicts promptly, seeking resolution and growth.

10. Not cultivating gratitude (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Focus on the blessings in your life, fostering a positive atmosphere.

11. Lack of spiritual connection (Matthew 19:6)
Prioritize shared spiritual growth, deepening your bond.

12. Not embracing change (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
Be adaptable, embracing life’s seasons and changes together.

Avoiding these common mistakes couples can build a strong foundation for a lifelong, loving relationship.

Feeling Alone: When no one meets your needs.

Have you ever felt like you’re surrounded by people, yet utterly alone?

Alone Like the sick man at Bethesda, who lay by the pool for 38 years, watching as others received their miracle, he knew what he needed to do to be healed, but somehow, someone else always got there first.

The sense of isolation amid a crowd can be suffocating, heart aching, leaving us feeling like we’re drowning in a sea with faces all around.

This feeling creeps into us in various areas and aspects of our lives. It may arise when you have worked tirelessly for a promotion, pouring your heart and soul into your job, only to see someone else receive the recognition you deserve.

Perhaps you have invested deeply in a relationship, giving your all, but feeling unfulfilled and stressed out as the result is bleak. It is present even in a matrimonial relationship; married, yet dying of loneliness, feeling like a stranger in your own home.

The truth is, there are some needs that man cannot fill, only Jesus can meet them. Jesus is the answer to our deepest longings.

When we feel like we’re stuck, like the man at Bethesda, we need to turn to Him. Through prayer, we can strike up a conversation with Jesus and find the healing, restoration, and hope we so desperately need and desire.

Jesus understands what it’s like to feel alone. He was betrayed by His friends, deserted by His disciples, and left to face the cross alone.  In His darkest moment, He cried out to God, and God answered. He can do the same for us.

Remember, Jesus is always present and willing to help in times of trouble. He can mend broken hearts, heal our emotional wounds, and bring wholeness to our lives. He can restore our relationships, revive our spirits, and renew our hope.

Don’t wait any longer to reach out to Him. Take a step of faith, and let Jesus meet you in your place of need. He is the ultimate solution to our deepest struggles, and He is always available to us.

In the beautiful and poetic verses of the Bible’s Song of Solomon, there lies a profound metaphor that speaks volumes about the importance of addressing seemingly insignificant issues in our lives. “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom” (Song of Solomon 2:15). This imagery of the “little foxes” serves as a powerful reminder of how small, overlooked problems or behaviors can gradually erode the flourishing aspects of our lives.

Just as a vineyard represents growth, productivity, and abundance, our lives are akin to vineyards that require care, attention, and protection. The “little foxes” symbolize the subtle, often unnoticed issues that, if left unattended, can undermine our well-being, relationships, and overall happiness.

These little foxes can take many forms in our lives. They may be persistent negative thoughts that chip away at our self-esteem, small but hurtful actions that damage relationships, procrastination that hinders our progress, or habits that lead us astray from our goals. While they may seem insignificant on their own, over time, these little foxes can multiply and wreak havoc on the vineyard of our lives.

Addressing the little foxes requires mindfulness, introspection, and a commitment to self-improvement. It involves acknowledging and confronting the small issues that hold us back, whether they stem from fear, insecurity, complacency, or lack of awareness. By recognizing these subtle challenges and taking proactive steps to address them, we can prevent them from causing greater harm in the long run.

One key aspect of dealing with the little foxes is self-awareness. By cultivating mindfulness and paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, we can identify the patterns and tendencies that may be undermining our well-being. Through reflection and introspection, we can pinpoint the areas in which the little foxes are at work and devise strategies to counteract their negative influence.

Moreover, seeking support from others can also be instrumental in addressing the little foxes in our lives. Whether through conversations with trusted friends, guidance from mentors, or professional help, reaching out for assistance can provide valuable insights, perspectives, and encouragement in tackling our personal challenges.

In conclusion, the metaphor of the little foxes in the vineyard serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of addressing the small issues that can have a big impact on our lives. By being vigilant, proactive, and willing to confront the subtle challenges that arise, we can protect the flourishing vineyard of our well-being, relationships, and personal growth. May we heed the wisdom of the little foxes and tend to our vineyards with care and diligence, ensuring that they continue to bloom and thrive.

Created in God’s image, we stand with authority and power in our hand
A mandate to reign, to rule and to lead
To subdue the earth and all its needs

We were made for dominion, it’s our birthright
To shine as lights in the dark of night
To innovate, create and make a difference too
To bring hope and life to all we do

Our identity is rooted in God’s grace
We are sons and daughters of the Most High Place
With His power and wisdom, we’ll make our mark
And bring transformation to the dark

So let us rise up and take our place
As rulers and leaders with grace
And shine as beacons of hope and light
Made for dominion, we’ll make it right.

For enquiries, or assistance in publishing your events, campaigns and adverts call 08062170260. Send an email to augustina@tinaris.com

The Christian Lawyers Fellowship of Nigeria (CLASFON) is set to host its National Conference in Abuja, Nigeria, from August 7-11, 2024 with the conference, theme “The Lord is Our King” (Isaiah 33:22), it promises to be the largest gathering of Christian lawyers in the world.

Lawyers, law students, judges, Magistrates, customary court presidents, lawmakers, and religious leaders from Nigeria and around the globe are expected to attend the conference, which will take place at the prestigious NICON Luxury Hotel, Abuja.

The event aims to empower future leaders in the legal profession and impact Nigeria’s legal landscape.

Affordability and Family-Friendly

In a bid to ensure inclusivity, CLASFON has subsidized registration rates, making it accessible to all. Young lawyers (1-7 years post-call) can register for as low as N30,000, which includes access to all sessions and three meals per day. Spouses and children have dedicated programs, making the conference a family vacation/retreat.

Accommodation Arrangements

CLASFON has arranged discounted accommodation rates at selected hotels in the Central Business District, starting from N36,000 or N50,000 for four nights.

Call to Action

The Warri branch of CLASFON invites all Nigerian lawyers and their families to register and attend this historic event. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to network, learn, and be inspired.

Register now and take advantage of the subsidized rates and hotel accommodations.

For more information and registration, please visit the CLASFON website https://www.clasfon.org.ng/conference or contact the conference organizers.

For enquiries, or assistance in publishing your events, campaigns and adverts call 08062170260. Send an email to augustina@tinaris.com

I woke up this morning thinking about the concept: Online Mediation Services or Online Dispute Resolution Services. 

This was some hours after I hosted a Webinar with Theme: Mediation: The New Frontier To Be Explored by Female Lawyers.

I had in the early days of my legal career successfully settled cases  by mediation, assisting my client reach settlements.

I had explored the use of the Delta State Multidoor Court House to settle tenancy matters,  Contracts, family disputes.

I have also had to settle ancillary reliefs in matrimonial cases with mediation, assisting the couples settle the welfare, upkeep and education of the children of the marriage with the best interest of the children paramount as they have insisted they can no longer be married.

Early this year, I assisted a client at an Online Dispute Resolution though we had a bottle neck because a necessary party was not present and it was court referred.

I even have registered Tinaris Legal Clinic to carry on the business of alternative dispute resolution apart from other  object; to do trainings and symposiums amongst others.

I believe it is time to hit the ground running. It is a door I want to explore at this era as a neutral in a panel and as well as a legal assistant helping parties reach their settlement terms.

I believe I have sufficiently invested in learning and relearning since the year 2010 when I had my first training on Mediation, Conciliation, Negotiation and Arbitration, I have had series of training till date.

One notable benefit with mediation is that it is a Win-Win  outcome unlike litigation which one party must lost to the other.   It is all parties smiling home including myself.

Embracing varieties in this evolving world is expedient for me.  After all in Nigeria we say variety is the spice of life.

Welcome to the launch of Tinaris Legal Clinic Online Dispute Resolution Services.

#ODR
#ADR
#NEUTRAL
#NEGOTIATOR
#CONCILIATOR
#LEGALASSISTANT

Attitude refers to a person’s perspective, mindset, or disposition towards something, it is often reflected in their behaviour, body language, and tone. 

Attitude can be a positive, negative, or neutral stance on a particular topic, person, or situation. It can influence how we perceive and interact with the world around

On a certain day, I sat in a crowded bus, I couldn’t help but notice the diverse group of people around me. Some were engrossed in their phones, while others chatted with friends or gazed out the window. I thought about how our attitudes shape our relationships and interactions with others. It was a luxurious bus moving from Marina to Ketu.

The words of Theodore Roosevelt came to mind: “The most important single ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with people.” It’s easy to get caught up in our interests and priorities, juxtaposed to the line of thought came a Bible verse “esteem others better than himself” (Philippians 2:3 NKJV).

I reflected on my own relationships and realized that my attitude had a significant impact on how well I connected with others. When I focused on understanding and supporting those around me, our interactions were more meaningful and enjoyable.

As the bus hit a pothole, a nearby passenger stumbled, and I instinctively reached out to steady her. We exchanged a smile, and I felt a sense of connection. It was a small moment, but it reminded me that our attitudes can make a difference in the lives of those around us, even in the face of life’s challenges.

With a renewed commitment to empathy and understanding, I continued my journey, ready to approach each interaction with a heart of humility and a willingness to learn from others.

As I continued on my journey, I met a young mother struggling to calm her crying baby. I offered a listening ear and a helping hand, and soon we were chatting like old friends. She shared her struggles and fears, and I shared words of encouragement. Our conversation was a reminder that our attitudes can create a ripple effect of kindness and compassion.

Later that day, I faced a challenging situation at work. A difficult project was due soon, and my team was struggling to meet the deadline. I could have easily given in to frustration and stress, but instead, I chose to approach the situation with a positive attitude. I encouraged my team, offered support, and together we found a solution.

As the day drew to a close, I reflected on the power of attitude. It had made a difference in my relationships, my interactions, and my approach to challenges. I realized that our attitudes are like a garden – they need to be nurtured, watered, and cultivated to grow into something beautiful.

With a heart full of gratitude, I wrote in this piece: “Today, I learned that the right attitude can turn strangers into friends, challenges into opportunities, and struggles into growth. May I continue to esteem others better than myself and face life’s challenges with humility, kindness, and courage.”

In the heart of Nigeria, a nation renowned for its vibrant culture and indomitable spirit, the people face the reality of hard times. Economic challenges, inflation, and social disparities have cast a shadow over the land, testing the resilience of its citizens.

Yet, amidst these trials, there is a source of unwavering strength and encouragement found in the enduring words of God. The scriptures offer a promise that even “in famine and hard times, we will laugh” (Job 5:22). This divine assurance speaks of a joy that transcends circumstances, a laughter that echoes through adversity.

As we navigate the rough waters of economic hardship, let us hold fast to this promise. Let us remember that our laughter is not born of naivety but of a deep-rooted faith that knows the seasons of lack are but temporary. For in God’s word, we find a wellspring of hope that replenishes our courage and renews our perspective.

To every Nigerian feeling the weight of these hard times, let this message uplift your spirit: You are not alone. Your resilience is a testament to the strength that lies within you, and your laughter is a declaration of victory over the trials you face. Stand firm in faith, for the same God who clothes the lilies and feeds the birds is watching over you.

Let us unite in this belief, supporting one another, and looking forward to the day when our collective laughter will rise like a chorus, heralding the dawn of better times. For it is written, “Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy” (Psalm 126:5).

In the face of hardship, let us be the embodiment of hope, the carriers of joy, and the harbingers of laughter. For the reality of hard times is but a chapter in our story, and with faith, we shall turn the page to brighter days ahead.

This piece of literature serves as a reminder that even in the darkest of times, there is light to be found in the promises of God. May it bring comfort and strength to all who read it.